Archive for the ‘Random Thoughts’ Category

36 accused of Spousal abuse
7 arrested for fraud
19 accused of writing bad checks
117 have either directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 business
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card because of bad credit
14 arrested on drug charges
8 arrested for shoplifting
21 are defendants in lawsuits
84 arrested for drunk driving
And all this has happended in the last year

Guess who??   NFL or NBA? 


 It is the 435 members of congress

The same Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws to keep the rest of us in line!!


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  I write today with a sad, disillusioned heart.  For many years, since my son’s arrest and subsequent 20 year federal sentence, I have been an active and proud member of the FedCURE organization.  To that end, I have supported every call for action, signed every petition, made calls to elected officials, and gave generously of my time, money and energy on behalf of FedCURE.  I whole-heartedly believed I was supporting a group that was fighting for the best interest of my son behind bars.  I was wrong. 

  I believed, however naively,  that I was part of a fair-minded group who stood for justice for all.  After all, a group that is supposedly made up of family members with a loved one in prison or have themselves experienced the pain and stigma of incarceration, would never stand in judgement of anyone in this predicament.  I was wrong.

  Perhaps as an example of my naivety, I posted a thread regarding prisoner treatment and the access to prison computers.  In that post I shed light on the nature of my son’s charge which consisted of  possession of child pornography.  He was sent a file of a Limewire type shareware program and did, in fact, open and viewed two but was charged with possession of the almost 1,000 images that were (and remained) unopened.  I posted this thread fully believing I would be supported by  FedCURE and it’s members and not encounter judgement.  I was wrong. 

  Judgement is exactly what I got.  After an initial barrage of vile and lurid messages (some emanating from one prominent “infamous” member) telling me just how SICK and DESPICABLE the charges, and in the end, my son were, I felt attacked, violated and shamed, not to mention completely shocked.  For the almost 5 years that I have been a member, I was never under any assumption other than that FedCURE stood for all.  I was wrong.    

  Some have written that FedCURE only stands for federal sentencing issues, well, that’s what I thought too and is the primary reason I joined the site.   My son is serving a  disproportionate sentence of 20 years for opening 2 pictures, when murderers can get out in half the time.  So I would answer those writing that, yes, FedCURE should be all about sentencing issues.    I have held out for so long that the FedCURE umbrella would afford protection and support for all that were sentenced, including my son and thousands like him.  I was wrong.

  I thought I would forever be a proud, lifetime member of FedCURE.  I was wrong.   


  “Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping them up”                   Jesse Jackson


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Removing the Mask

“I’m a grown woman. I’ve earned my experiences, my scars.” -Tori Amos

I have come to believe that many of us would sooner die than remove our masks and stand barefaced before the world.
-Richard Bode



   Beginning this blog and posting it on my Facebook, of all places, for me is removing the mask and standing barefaced before the world. 

   I have been writing for the past few years but safe, in my comfort zone, to a group of like-minded individuals who I have come to be so close to and who I can say without a doubt saved my life back when I couldn’t care less about it.  They led me out of the wilderness of a quiet madness and brought me back from the very brink of insanity.  These are people who I have never sat in a room with, never looked into their eyes, and yet, here on this computer, they allowed me to look into their souls.  The fact that for the last three years I have felt so much more comfortable sharing my thoughts, fears and tears with these “strangers” than my own friends is very telling.  The fact that I was terrified to actually “post” any of my writings on my FB page where the people who “know” me are is also telling.

  There are those in my life who would see me on the computer, typing away, and would say “what are you doing?  Talking to your imaginary friends?”  No, I didn’t imagine the bond I share with those on my support site who actually Have walked a mile in my shoes.  These other moms and family members with a loved one in prison know what it feels like to suddenly not be able to talk to your old friends, to hide from the world, to just want to curl up in a ball and never step foot outside again.  They know the fear of ridicule.  The sorrow of knowing your community thinks your loved one is a monster.  The hurt when friends shun you or talk behind your back or pass around the newspapers and clippings of your loved ones case.  Yea, they know all of that. 

  So today, I stand barefaced before my “real” world and I wonder…will I be accepted or ridiculed? Will my “real” friends stand by me and cheer me on and be happy for this monumental step I have made?  Will they even know that this step is a huge step toward healing and taking my power back and stepping back into the light?  I wonder?

  The one and only thing I do know is this:  My “imaginary” friends know it without a doubt and I love them for it.



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